I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
