you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
