Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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