He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You smell like stripper and shame
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
