My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize