i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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