he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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