You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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