I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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