I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
