you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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