how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
