He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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