i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
4 words: hood of his car
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
