Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
