You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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