Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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