whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
