I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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