They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
