I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
