i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
