I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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