so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
