If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
