Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
