Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
where am i from again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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