She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
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if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.