Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher

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  (734): Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher http://tfl.nu/nr2j
  Replies (22) Good night (571) Bad night (2736)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window

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  (518): You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window http://tfl.nu/qxzy
  Replies (14) Good night (3311) Bad night (551)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?

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  (630): I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer? http://tfl.nu/yj7n
  Replies (26) Good night (4570) Bad night (772)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Then she called me a home wrecking whore.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.

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  (702): Then she called me a home wrecking whore. (1-702): dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count. http://tfl.nu/bp07
  Replies (15) Good night (5968) Bad night (1145)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

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  (804): Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3. http://tfl.nu/mf94
  Replies (16) Good night (5902) Bad night (1225)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on

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  (215): just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on http://tfl.nu/p7yb
  Replies (1) Good night (1120) Bad night (1695)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.

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  (513): He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ. http://tfl.nu/zyza
  Replies (13) Good night (3307) Bad night (997)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors

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  (250): We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors http://tfl.nu/t3jz
  Replies (11) Good night (5184) Bad night (800)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.

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  (810): It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team. http://tfl.nu/1zge
  Replies (7) Good night (3103) Bad night (1163)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night

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  (862): You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night http://tfl.nu/zmqw
  Replies (3) Good night (1728) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures

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  (416): But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures http://tfl.nu/emrg
  Replies (2) Good night (1500) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.

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  (772): You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer. http://tfl.nu/ehgy
  Replies (10) Good night (1854) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!

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  (870): Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking! http://tfl.nu/tcnj
  Replies (2) Good night (620) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.

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  (423): Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems. http://tfl.nu/fnuz
  Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.

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  (787): I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot. http://tfl.nu/430i
  Replies (5) Good night (1501) Bad night (190)

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