Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

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  (214): call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight http://tfl.nu/wfsk
  Replies (75) Good night (7364) Bad night (794)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.

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  (757): I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping. http://tfl.nu/aea5
  Replies (30) Good night (3659) Bad night (1369)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.

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  (412): I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door. http://tfl.nu/f9if
  Replies (9) Good night (4414) Bad night (1362)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"

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  (410): You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock" http://tfl.nu/flxw
  Replies (6) Good night (2814) Bad night (869)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.

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  (414): Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that. http://tfl.nu/4zb9
  Replies (43) Good night (1719) Bad night (6594)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep

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  (812): according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep http://tfl.nu/y2u2
  Replies (19) Good night (3302) Bad night (966)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.

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  (519): He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba. http://tfl.nu/mbtr
  Replies (7) Good night (2829) Bad night (740)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.

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  (509): Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away. http://tfl.nu/1jys
  Replies (6) Good night (2243) Bad night (855)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.

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  (970): I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me. http://tfl.nu/ryot
  Replies (7) Good night (2101) Bad night (778)
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  (714): View more from California

  When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.

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  (714): When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value. http://tfl.nu/r3cp
  Replies (16) Good night (687) Bad night (2886)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.

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  (205): After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis. http://tfl.nu/x2c8
  Replies (4) Good night (2008) Bad night (510)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?

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  (724): My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's? http://tfl.nu/cp3t
  Replies (14) Good night (2534) Bad night (644)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"

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  (616): Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son" http://tfl.nu/3jto
  Replies (1) Good night (513) Bad night (678)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together

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  (604): I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together http://tfl.nu/pe8s
  Replies (4) Good night (1287) Bad night (380)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.

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  (904): As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now. http://tfl.nu/x89u
  Replies (6) Good night (625) Bad night (292)

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