just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
