the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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