I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
