i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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