I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
