I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
