Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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