She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
