brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
