One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
