I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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