Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
