My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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