nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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