I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
