Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
