In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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