just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
