We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
