One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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