He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
