Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
