The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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