We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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