Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
