Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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