I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
