i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize