so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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